Admiration 2005 and 2012

A while back I did a root through old journal posts. Being that my mind is more about edits than new material of late, I think I should do this much more often. Again, I should not promise steady updates that will not come, but I hope someone enjoys my growth as a person and maybe learns a bit more too.

2012.03.15

Admiration

I am still not certain there is any one person I can say I admire above all others. It is traits that I fucus on, and always have. I admire dedication, creativity, free thinking. Seven years ago I admired the parents of multiples, and seemed jealous of the outspoken.

I remain in admiration of parents, let me specify, strong parents. Okay, maybe I need to specify further. I admire anyone who offers care and support of any child. I admire the strength involved in being able to take on the task of raising a human being. It is not the giving birth that makes a mother, and not the offering of seed that makes a father. I used to think I was a pretty poor example of a parent, but I hear from so many people how great JD is and I cannot help but feel a ton of pride. I helped make the human he is today. Others helped too, but really, I was the one who did not sleep when he cried. I was the one who doled out the punishments no matter how much it broke my heart. I was the one who stood my ground and said I loved him when he said he hated me. I was not his friend. I will never be my son's friend. What I am, what I always will be, is the voice of reason when he is wrong and reassurance when he is unsure. If I had decided on JD's behalf, nearly thirteen years ago, that someone else could do a better job, I would have no right to claim the title of mother.

The other point of admiration noted in 2005 concerned all the people doing great things in the world. Well, I still admire that trait to stand up and do something, anything, but more and more I see the people behind the curtain. This one is summed up with much more brevity. What is more important, the name, or the cause?

2005.03.07

The one person in the world that I admire more than anyone else is....

I really do not know. I mean there are alot of people in the world who are doing alot of good things. I admire all of them. At the same time I can not stand them, because they stand up and say, look at me, I am doing something worth while in the world and you are not. Then they want you to follow them. I guess the people I admire more are the parents of the litters of children. I mean I realize they are getting gads of finacial help from doing interviews and ads, but what about the emotional support? I mean, they have to deal with the raising of their kids and making them look and act perfect in front of the world. I can not even raise one emotionally stable child, no less six. If the world were watching me raise my kid I would be the poster child for every abuse case I am certain of it. I am worn out and stressed out by one kid. I could never, never live through six.