The Clearing

It has been some time since I have posted anything to this particular blog, and while I would like to say that I will be more diligent, there are many other projects also occurring. So, I make no promises. I also, want to offer some brighter news from the front lines.

While I do not feel elated by this, my son has been allowed the opportunity to live with his father for a few months. There is all manner of emotion about this. I miss him. He and I are a team. Even when my now ex husband was away so often, hell, even when he was around though not really “present”, the kid and I would adventure together. We have a unique bond that only children and full-time moms can create. He is my light and joy, and though he is a sarcastic teen now, we are still deeply connected.

So, I do miss his presence in the house, but he needs to see how his father really parents without me there. He also needs to see what is really going on in his father’s life, even if that means learning to understand how to now address a girl that the kid always viewed as an older sister. I am not certain if he will see her as a “mother” figure now, or if the relationship will simply be confusing.

My roommate, and woman who professed to be my “best friend” has also moved on. She has never had strong regard for my feelings in our relationship, and I fully accepted this when I asked her to move in with me. The offer was meant to help her find her heart again. It was a new hurt when she chose to befriend the family members of as well as the girl who so deeply scarred my life, but while unexpected, I suppose it is not altogether out of character.

I am happy that she has found joy in the relationship that I set her up with. I am concerned for her dog that does not seem to get out very much, but I am grateful to not have the constant worry that something is going to happen to the poor animal while in my home or yard.

Now, the real blessings, for me. I am no longer afraid to come home. For quite some time, especially after my son moved out, I felt like an outcast under my own roof. I felt that the classes I taught, the people that I invited in, were an annoyance to my roommate. I felt as though I was responsible for her unhappiness and I tried hard to for several months to suppress who I was in order to make her feel more comfortable.

The energy is so much clearer now though! I feel that I can breathe without worry. And, with a clear house comes a clear head, and renewed energy to make my life my own at last.

My home is open to all of the wonderful women who dance here. I am also thrilled to invite men and women who write for gatherings and sharing ideas. As things progress I will be opening the doors to do tarot readings and host open discussions on art, writing, and other subjects. I have a gallery wall to share with new artists looking to sell their work as well. The Red Tent nights are a monthly gathering that I created as a gift to my roommate, to make her feel more comfortable, that I never expected to find so much joy in even after her desire to attend had waned.

I feel as if I can breathe and that every breath brings more positive energy into my home. Please contact me if you find any of this enjoyable! My home is open to all positive energy!